After much reading, research and soul searching its time to move on. A lot of what I've read says that journaling will help - not only to express my feelings and emotions but to be able to look back at where I started in this process and see just how far I've come. I long for that day!
I'm not sure where I am in the grief process [grief after divorce they call it] according to the steps - but I know I'm tired of being depressed and unhappy and I want to get my life back and enjoy all the things I still have - my life, my job, my new boss beginning January 1st, AND especially my beautiful boys!
I've been - am - so deep down in this dark hole - I've alienated my family - my friends - everyone who cares about me and I'm not sure how to repair these relationships but I have to - to heal my self I have to get over the hurt - forgive - and accept the help and support they can give me! HOW DO I START??
I'm still in love with my ex-husband. That took a lot to admit! I know I'll always love him - we shared 18 years - 13 of those married - and most of them happy. He has moved on - says he has - has a new woman in his life - wherever that may go its going without ME so I MUST move on too.
We've been apart for 19 months - for the first year or so I think I was numb - didn't want to feel the pain, rejection - admit that it really was over - even when the divorce was final I was still in denial. Now all these months later we are communicating and I know he will always love me - as his first wife - mother of his children - but he doesn't love me like I still love him. The maybe someday is out there but I don't want to spend my life waiting for what might happen some day - when certain family members are gone - too long a story for a first post.....point is I WANT TO MOVE ON......
I want out of this pit that I'm in, I want to find my self again, I want to be happy with myself, I want my self-esteem back! I want to like ME!
I hope writing this journal will help me find my way - my new life without him in it - minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day..........
Hey Sis, this is pretty cool! And it does help to write your thoughts down, I did it the old fashioned way. HA HA! You are right though, it's not necccisarily him that you're wanting. It's the life that you had all mapped out that you're longing for. Now your life has taken some kind of detour. Please remember that I'm always here for you. And that God is always there for us!
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:) love cowtalk